February 9th

On February 9, 1979 a beautiful (OK, to be honest....I used to tell Dan that he looked like smeagle the little creepy guy in Lord of the Rings but that's neither here nor there) boy was born.

Whether it was singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" in his fifth grade play or protecting my honor in high school, even though we didn't know each other that well then, Dan was always making an impression.

As I stood at the cemetery today, cold and and staring at the stone which holds his name, I smiled. What a life he lived. Yes, it was too short, but Dan traveled the world, fought for his country, had hundreds of friends, smiled every day, loved and married his best friend... I was lucky enough to be that girl. He LIVED, LOVED, LAUGHED...He WAS that poster/banner/sign found at every Home Goods store.

It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I have now been on this Earth longer than he ever was, but I have SO MUCH more living left to do to catch up to his accomplishments, his feats, his legacy.

I know, I can tell, that this year is going to bring me smiles and continued healing. When I run and have my conversations with Dan, I can hear him telling me how proud he is of me. I hear his voice telling me to keep moving forward, to continue and finish the race that has been set out before me.

When I first started to run for distance and to compete in races, I didn't think I could do it. I puked after the first mile, my legs felt like jello after 3 miles, and it didn't seem to be getting any better. I had signed up to do a 7 mile relay race, and I was starting to get nervous that I would let my team down by being the weakest link. One gorgeous day I went outside and got into my "run zone" for the first time. I ran 6 miles without stopping. When I came back home I ran downstairs and said, "Dan, I think I am going to be able to do this." I will never forget his face, it had a confused stare and he said, "Of course you can." He never lacked in confidence for me, never.

I am never again going to lack confidence in myself, I love that he taught me that. I am confident that my smiles are genuine these days. My smiles were even genuine and confident today, as I thought of his life well lived.

I have a beautiful life ahead of me, I am confident of this, and I am going to live it well, too.

~Any life, no matter how long and complex it my be, is made up of a single moment- the moment in which a man finds out, once and for all, who he is. ~ Jorge Luis Borges