May

As I logged onto to type my thoughts and feelings, I read the title of my blog for the first time in a long time. "The Winding Road of a Young Widow." That doesn't quite fit anymore.

May 7th 2008- Exactly one month to go before our 06/07/08 wedding!
May 7th 2009- We can't believe it's almost been a year, what will we do to celebrate our anniversary?
May 7th 2010- I am still in bed. The sun probably still rises in the east, but I don't notice. The "why?" cloud looms over the shell of a person that I used to be.
May 7th 2011- I am falling in LOVE AGAIN!! I can't get enough of Nick Smith. I know we will get married one day.
May 7th 2012- My knees are on the cold tile floor. My left hand (adorned with a beautiful engagement ring) is on her right leg. My right hand is on her left leg. My head falls on the lap of the greatest woman I will ever know. My mother takes her last breaths and goes home to the Lord.

I walked down my winding road rather publicly, as you all have been so kind as to read the words my heart has bled.  I had many friends and family members accompanying me along the way. When I met Nick he led me off of that winding road and onto a bridge. By the time I was walking off of that bridge we were hand in hand and I felt even more appreciative that God led another wonderful man to me. My cup runneth over.

Now Nick and I are still hand in hand, but I am back on a new road. I am on a road without my Momma.

It's almost been a year, yet not a day has gone by when I haven't spoken to her. The new chapters of my life that are synonymous with being married and "happily ever after" give me panic attacks in the middle of the night because I don't have my Mom.

I finished the Master's Program at Loyola with a 4.0, and I don't have my Mom to tell me just how proud she is of me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hearing that from my loved ones, but I want to see her smile, and hear the words from her.

Soon it will be...

May 7th 2013- I will smile at everyone I see, just like she did. I will dance with a child until they belly laugh the way my sissy and I did when she "cheek to cheeked" with us. I will close my eyes and remember every word of the last long conversation we had together. A part of that that just made me smile was... In the middle of our talk (as I am crying and snotting and being completely pitiful), she said, "you really have a gift at putting makeup on." We both laughed through out tears, Steel Magnolias style. I will tell my sister what an amazing Mother she is and what an amazing Mom/Sister/Best Friend she has been to me since this day 1 year ago. I will tell Father to get over here and let me hug his neck and make him dinner!!

Happy Soon To Be Mother's Day to all of the amazing Moms out there. Hug your Daaaaarlings in true Trish fashion!!