Good People, Good Love

I have been having conversations with friends lately about little gifts that you can give/receive throughout your days and life that, even though we don't spend an excessive amount of time thinking about them, they have patched a hole somewhere in our world. The gifts that I speak of are as small as a smile from someone you are walking by to a very selfless and special gift, like I was given today.

This week has been a roller coaster ride for me emotionally. I find myself smiling more, laughing more, and feeling less broken. Then I bully myself into believing I shouldn't be feeling this way. When will the day come when I can just have a feeling and not second guess the HELL out of it! All of the second guessing, and too much thought pays it's toll on me physically as well. I don't eat well, and tend to not stay as hydrated as I should. Throw in the fact that I'm sufin' the crimson wave, have a sinus headache, and I am just a real peach! Even though the stars were aligned against me, I still laced up my shoes this morning for a 10 mile run.

Around mile 6, I was really struggling. I guess I looked like I was too, sweating and lips dry. I ran past a church that was having a yard sale. As I passed a women and her daughter, the woman lifted her arm toward me and in her hand was a bottle of water. I looked at her and she said, "would you like this?" I all but kissed her on the mouth as I took her gift and stopped to drink. Her sweet little girl looked at the mother and said, "Mommy, that was my water." The mother said, "Hush honey, we have plenty." I couldn't thank that woman enough. I continued my run, and continued to struggle, but her act of kindness would not be forgotten. She probably has not had a second thought about the sweaty white girl that she saved from heat stroke today, but I know she was another piece of the bandage that is patching small portions of my aching void.

I love good people, and I try with all my might to be one of them. I want to be the reason for someone else's smile, a piece for someone else that patches a hole. I know I will be given many opportunities to pay the love I received today forward and I look forward to it.

As for my emotional state now that I am at the end of the week, I am still grappling to make sense of the feelings I am having. I love, the laughter I have shared this week, the smiles that have been from ear to ear, and the glimmer of hope I have seen for a chance to enjoy life again and have a happy future. It's all part of the healing journey, and to the people who have shared in making this week a baby step closer to having the old Tiffin back: You will never truly know how much you are appreciated, but I will do my part to give it back, ten fold.

I am realizing that love that is shared within this world doesn't die, and I have much more love to give.