Wild Child

There are so many thoughts running through my head this evening. Conflicting thoughts and hypocritical views, my mind gleans them throughout the day. This road...nobody said it would be smooth.

I gave a speech to some of my students today about how fast decisions can end up coming back to hurt you in ways you never imagined. I spoke of making good choices, from the breakfast you choose in the morning to the people you choose to spend your time with. I preached of wise choices and higher roads..............Who do I think I am? I wouldn't know a good decision if it bit me in the ass.

I had this discussion with my friend Heidi today. She laughed and said that all teachers had to be a little hypocritical. I mean when I first started teaching I was smoker. I will never forget the anti smoking stickers I put on each child and the florescent pencils I handed out. I got in my white Honda that afternoon and couldn't wait to light up! I might have even stopped at the liquor store to buy Bud Light instead of gas!! I probably smoked those cigarettes and drank that beer with people whom my mother never would have approved of, too!

I have since stopped smoking, but we all know I still love my Bud Light (If I could figure out how to play Billy Currington's "I'm pretty good at drinking beer" while you were reading this, I so would). I also do not choose to spend my time with people who don't except me for all of who I am. Pretending, being fake, and molding yourself into what the people around you want you to be takes too much effort. Heidi actually told me (within said conversation) that everyone I surrounded myself with was good and I was the one people should be worried about!! She compared me to the little devil that sits on your shoulder always contradicting what the angel says! I couldn't stop laughing. Even though I know she was kidding, I can't help but recognize there is some truth in that....however, that is part of my charm....I think.

When I decide to follow my "free spirit" side, I am my own worst enemy. I always second guess choices I've made and constantly beat myself up. I have written in the past about people being judgemental and overly critical. I AM DOING THAT TO MYSELF!! I have no doubt in my mind that Dan would want me to be me. He fell in love with the Tiffin at Hella's that ordered two beers at once and a shot, downed them, got up and sang karaoke with a 90 year old man who resembled Charlie Daniels. He loved that girl and I need to love her again too.

In my sweet friend Jessi's own words, she said, "You were a wild child before Dan, you were a wild child with Dan, and you are going to be wild on this new road as well."

Well, I have to say, this road is as bumpy as a busted wheel chariot on gravel, but I'm going to put on my big girl panties, slip on some padded shorts, grab the reins and drive this baby to the end! Thanks for the support along the way!